Getting older is a part of who I am and what I do. Every day, I help folks celebrate the passage of time. Be it a birthday or other special occasion, I help them mark time with memories. So getting older isn’t something that scares me, really... except when it comes to technology. I admit that it’s my Achilles' heel, the thing that causes me to back into a corner, crouched and shaking, with my arms thrown over my head like a child in a thunderstorm...
It’s just so unfair (I know, I’m whining!) that the minute I seem to finally grasp the latest form of tech, the industry have moved on to something else entirely, leaving me holding the proverbial fuzzy end of the lollipop. I understand that advancements in technology are important, and that it’s been going on for millennia -- just ask a blacksmith (do they even exist, besides the ones that populate historical landmarks and escapist communes?), a stagecoach driver, a stonemason, or a knife sharpener, the folks who found their livelihoods stripped away as technological advances marched forward and made their professions obsolete. This evolution is just a part of life... but does it have to happen so fast? I mean, I think it took at least 20 years for the automobile to take over, but today it seems like it takes 20 minutes for something to become obsolete.
Which is why I wish to mourn the loss of the video store.
I know you, with your instantly streaming media on your phone, iPad, and surgically-implanted visual devices, must be shaking your head in disbelief at my waxing nostalgic. But seriously, do you know how hard it is to rent a single DVD for an overnight party, as I’ve had to do countless times? Sure, you can still buy them, but I don’t really want to own the entire Disney “Princess” series or the whole Pixar catalogue.
I long for the days when I could walk up and down the aisles of a video store, picking up those skinny oblong boxes, perusing the overhyped descriptions that promised “adventure,” “madness,” and the always-exciting “mayhem!” I loved talking to the spotty youth behind the counter who knew every action film, and his counterpart who could recommend the perfect film in any genre, be it horror or romance.
I recently had a day when I had no commitments and my husband was out of town. For me, this is such a rarity that I embrace it like that creature from Alien latches onto Kane’s face. I can think of no better way to spend an entire mindless “me” day than curling up on the couch in my pajamas and watching movies. But this luxury soon turned into a frustrating scavenger hunt, as I searched to find a place where I could simply “rent” a movie. I tried one of those kiosks at Safeway, but the copy was so dismally scratched that it kept skipping back to the beginning 10 minutes into the movie. I saw the opening sequence of Inception three times before I realized there was something seriously wrong with the disc! I then tried the “instant streaming” feature on Netflix, that my sister so adores... but that turned into a pointless chase down the rabbit hole, as it turned out I had “out-of-date plug-ins” on my laptop. After a half hour of dealing with that mess, I learned that the movies I wanted weren’t available for instant streaming anyway! Oh for goodness sake, all I wanted to do was watch a few trashy horror movies! By this time I was so frustrated I just ended up watching old reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Amazon Prime.
When I bemoaned my fate to my assistant Catharine, who’s a young little gal in her early 20s, she just flipped her golden ponytail and said next time she would find me whatever I wanted on the internet for free, just let her know ahead of time. I sighed, knowing that the black market underground of the World Wide Web was trying to ensnare me. “That’s okay,” I mumbled. Next time I’ll just read a book. They still make those, right? Don’t they?
